The other day I was in the tub, playing with my boats. My favorite boat is a scale model of the Exxon Valdez oil tanker. It was a lazy sort of day, so I was hanging out in the tub with my boats, my rubber duckies, and a tall glass of iced tea. While I was making a course correction to one of my frigates, my elbow knocked over the tea glass, spilling tea and ice cubes into the water. Before I could stop it, the Valdez struck the cubes. The cubes pierced it’s flimsy double hull, releasing 10.8 million milliliters of oil into my tub. Below is a picture of the devastation that followed.

After hundreds of volunteers from around my neighborhood helped to clean up this disaster, my bathtub was restored to its former beauty, but sadly several of my duckies didn’t make it through alive.

OK, the real story is that I replaced the alternator in my 1991 Toyota MR2, which leaks oil from every orifice. The gunk you see in the tub is what came off of my body after a shower (the drain clogged). Amazingly enough, I was able to get both myself and the tub clean again - although my cuticles are still a little gnarly. Oh, and something happed to the replacement alternator after ten minutes of driving and I think it’s broke too. God loves me so much. I guess another ecological disaster is headed for my tub this weekend.