After our sagging ball conversation last session I got to thinking that it must suck for guys to get old. At least in that department. (But as Moe suggested – a ball lift is always an option). Women get their boobs lifted, so why not?

So after worrying about aging men for about two seconds I realized that all men should have some understanding for what we women have to deal with on a monthly basis. Yes, I’m discussing the taboo topic for men…menstruation.

I love you guys dearly, my fellow Reckless Philosophers. But I do wish you could all experience it just once. (Even you, B!) I would love for you and all other men to have a clue what an annoyance it is. That’s putting it mildly.

Not too long ago a commercial came on for Always pads, claiming that by using their product women can have ‘happy periods’. My friend said “Look! You can be happy, too!” I threw the remote at him and stormed out of the room. There is without a doubt nothing happy about it.

Let’s see - PMS. You know it’s coming which is bad enough, but your hormones get all out of whack. Crying over something that normally wouldn’t affect you. Ultra sensitive about everything, and lovely back aches all day followed by sleepless nights.Oh, let’s not forget bloating. Fun.

Then the actual period…total bitches emerge. Cramps so bad it feels like your uterus is being wrung and twisted and shifted, maybe trying to escape. It’s at this point where deciding to have the damn thing removed right then and there is the best idea. Instead, curling into a little ball and waiting for it to pass is your best bet. But wait! We can’t do that. So we take as many Advil as we can without overdosing and carry on with our everyday lives. And unfortunately this usually involves interacting with males.

OK, most women admit they usually do get bitchy. And we’re allowed to. It hurts, damn it! But to have a man, who has no idea how painful it is say, “What? Are you ragging it?” They should just get kicked. Hard. So, if having our period is an excuse to be bitchy/nasty then what excuse do guys have when they’re acting the same?

My friend and I were running errands a while back. I needed to run into a craft store and as we passed one he asked. “Didn’t you have to go to the Rag Shop?” The look on his face was precious. I think he thought I was going to slug him. That was funny, because it was innocent.

As kids we said “Our Friend” is visiting. How dumb. No friend of mine. “Aunt Flo(w)” is even too fucking cute to be funny. What are some of those other expressions you guys use? “Riding the cotton pony.” That’s a good one. 

I cannot force you guys to go through this experience. Wish I could – the spell is a little too difficult! Just know there is no happy period. There’s the “Thank-god-I-got-my-period-I’m-not-pregnant” period. But that’s just relief and doesn’t stop the excruciating pain. 

So men, be nice to us. And don’t assume because we’re in a bad mood that we must be “on the rag.” Maybe it’s something you did or didn’t do!

I read a bumper sticker:

“Don’t trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and lives.”

Yeah, that’s horrible. I laughed my ass off.

~Storm