Men...
I was chatting with a girlfriend last night. She is a former co-worker & old friend who I haven’t talked to in years. Recently (through a mutual friend) I went to a party she and her husband were having. I always thought she had poor taste in men, but now she married a loser. But “Jane” is pretending to be happy. At the party she was catering more to “John” than the guests, as he got drunk, talked guy stuff with the men, ogled the girls and generally acted like a jerk. This chauvinistic shit didn’t believe a girl could actually be knowledgeable about sports and promptly tuned me out although several other guys agreed with me. I didn’t have to like the husband but it was painful to see Jane bending over backwards to please this guy.
Then she called last night asking if I wanted to get together this weekend. Apparently John was going skiing with the guys. She was in a horrible car accident years ago and still has problems with her leg. Well there’s plenty to do on a ski trip besides ski and one would think a newlywed couple would take advantage of that. I suggested that Jane, the mutual friend and I should go out, either to a pub/club or something. No, that won’t work because John doesn’t like the mutual friend, who happens to be her best friend. And he doesn’t mind if I came over as long as we don’t go out. Okay, why? Jane, who has always been self-conscious about her looks, was told that if the two of us went out guys would come over to talk to me. How messed up is that? And as she’s explaining this me she makes it sound completely natural. Without letting my anger show I told her I thought it was ridiculous. She tells me “I know he’s a little possessive, but it shows how much he loves me”. I felt nauseous. So, men, why is it a lot of you feel it’s okay to do whatever you want as long as your girl doesn’t do anything you don’t approve of? And women, why do you put up with that shit? Possessiveness and jealousy are ugly characteristics. And I know there are plenty of women who keep a tight rein on there guys. Typically in those situations it’s like giving the guys permission to cheat. But reverse the situation and girls, like Jane, excuse this behavior as a sign of love. And one more thing…are guys really oblivious that when you blatantly check us out we are aware of it? When you’re walking in the mall and you not only do a double take but turn around to get another look, we notice. And ten bucks say the girl you’re with notices too!
Storm
(Wasn’t really trying to bash men…I love guys, faults and all!)
If you solve these mysteries, I will put you in for a Nobel Prize. Most woman just love assholes, but who knows why. Maybe they see it as love, as in the case with your friend. I think some women just like "fix-er-uppers." Some can't live without drama in their lives. I don't get it either.
As for men, we are an oblivious race. I think most guys probably think they are being stealth when they check out other girls. A true asshole will do it recklessly, and without concern to how it makes the woman he is looking at or the woman he is with feel. Often, you will hear these guys tell their girlfriends, "Hey, I'm just looking; it doesn't mean anything. After all, I'm with you, aren't I?" and the woman will say yes and give him a little hug because she is dumb or crazy or has no self respect - I'm not sure which.
Interestingly enough, I work closely with a married guy, and he is one of those guys who will look at and comment on EVERY SINGLE woman in EVERY SINGLE car we pass. He does it when we are walking too. It is actually fucking annoying. And his wife calls about every half hour, without exaggeration, to see what he is doing. A match made in hell. The funny thing is that the guy claims that he is, and always has been, faithful and happily married. He has no reason to lie to me, so who the hell knows. I've never met his wife to get her perspective.
So there you have it: men are assholes and women are crazy and we love each other. Isn’t life cool?
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I have to disagree with B to an extent. I don't think by and large men are assholes and women are crazy. I think we can all be a little (or a lot) of both. I have never liked a man (or woman) who feels the need to control. It is a classic indicator of insecurity and quite frankly, the accuser or person who is generally controlling over the whereabouts and what their partner is doing is more than likely the one doing wrong. I have no problem being "checked out" by men (within reason). One night my friends (and our spouses) were all hangin out partying. We went around the table and each of us said who we would sleep with if we could choose anyone famous. Everyone was honest (one of my friend's HUSBAND's said Lenny Kravitz...that's a whole other story). Anyhoo, even married, I check guys out. Even knowing I'm married, guys check me out. It's a matter of self assurance and what's appropriate. I'd be crazy to think my husband doesn't look at or fantasize about other women and as long as he's not a disrespectful pig, I really don't care. We are primitive beings and it's our inherent, animal nature that almost forces us to have a wandering eye. Being a complete asshole as Storm's friend's husband sounds like is a personality flaw...not gender flaw.
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Snil Dad,
You are right; I was going a bit overboard with my generalizations. And I definitely agree with you about the biggest accusers being the ones that are most likely doing wrong. Thanks for posting - feel free to do it more often, even if you disagree with me. At least you make sense!
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